When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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