Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
