I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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