As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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