we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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