I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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