dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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