I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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