i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
