hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
