Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
