I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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