I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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