I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
