If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
