I accidentally had phone sex last night
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
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The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
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When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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