Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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