is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
