Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
