Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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