If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
