The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
