I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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