Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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