I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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