so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
