this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
