Who wears a wallet chain?!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
