When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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