Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
