Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
