this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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