I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
