Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You made out with two different species that night
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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