You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize