My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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