Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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