I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you win again, gameday.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
