I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
