happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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