She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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