Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
