i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
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I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
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They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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