You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
