Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I will be naked everywhere
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
