i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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