Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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