SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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