Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
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theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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