I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
