I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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