Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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