Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The Olympian is in my bed
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
