i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
