whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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