Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
