I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
