Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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