Since when is my name a synonym for head?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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