She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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